


Statistically Speaking

by viceroyvonmutini



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-21
Updated: 2015-07-21
Packaged: 2018-04-10 12:00:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4391066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/viceroyvonmutini/pseuds/viceroyvonmutini
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She wasn't afraid of squirrels. She wasn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Statistically Speaking

**Author's Note:**

> prompt: 'it’s 2 in the morning and i was just trying to get home but i left my sunroof open all day and now there’s a squirrel in my car and it scared me and i drove into a pole – would you please stop laughing you’re a cop. you’re supposed to be helping'
> 
> Thank you dear anon for letting me do this prompt and indulging me. You guys are the best.

There came a point when you had to accept that rock bottom had been reached.

Lexa reached that point a long time ago.

She was now quite happy to accept that at this point she was below rock bottom: beyond the bottom, beyond the material plane of shitty days and down into the seven layers of Hell. And she was fairly sure she was plowing her way through those too.

It was one of those days. Those days that from the moment you wake up you know that this day was never meant to be a good day: preordained in time to make your life a living hell.

You could say she woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Or maybe, with a bedmate in her bed that was no longer welcome: an unhappy side effect from a Sunday night of clubbing. She decided to skim over the ‘who the fuck goes clubbing on a Sunday night she knew she had work today’ argument and head straight for the ‘get the hell out of my bed I have to go to work.’

Not the best start.

Then her milk had been clumped and gloopy and she was fairly sure well on the way to making a nice Brie so that had ruled out a decent breakfast, or a cup of tea, and while she prided herself on being healthy she did not appreciate having to eat half an orange for her morning meal.

The hot water was out (it had been for nearly a week now but this morning it was a particular issue because this morning had been shit and it was only 7am) and it was hot and her hair was in her face and she had to get to work.

The air-conditioning in her office was out because of course it was. The Blake’s were out sick-two of her best workers-which meant she was picking up the slack and then just to top it off she got a call from the Hong Kong offices regarding some trivial issue that ended up destroying any hope that she would get home at a decent time.

Being a mathematician Lexa liked numbers. Formulae and theorems made sense and made her life easier so she liked to think of things in mathematical terms: it was a quirk hard to kick. On a bad day like this she liked to remind herself that bad days are like exponential functions that never quite touch the x-axis.

In layman’s terms: they could always get worse.

And it did.

Stumbling out of the office at 2am tired as hell and just wanting to go to sleep, she hopped into her car parked just outside the building complex and set off home.

Had she mentioned it was hot that day?

Well it had been a hot day and so, as any sensible person would have done, Lexa had kept her sunroof open. She had also parked in the shadows to keep her car as cool as possible and it had worked: she was very cool. She considered this her first small victory of the day.

Right up until she noticed the squirrel.

A real life, honest to god living breathing squirrel. In her car. At 2am. _Staring at her._

She wasn’t afraid of squirrels really she wasn’t, but when a fucking squirrel is staring at you through your rearview mirror with little black beady eyes and a prickly tail swaying slightly in the wind there was no way in hell she was letting her eyes off that squirrel.

The only solution was to have a staring contest with it.

Problem was: Lexa was driving. Problem was: there’s only so much road before you have to turn a corner. Problem was: Lexa wasn’t really paying attention.

Picture if you will an unholy union between a thin metal pole and the front of Lexa’s moderately priced car. Picture the air bags inflating, squirrel tumbling from its perch on the back seat to god knows where. Picture this at 2am, in the dark, on an empty street.

If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

That was Lexa’s first thought. She pushed herself up out of the airbag that really wasn’t needed to be honest: it had been the smallest of impacts, but it had deployed and with the day she was having her instinct was to fall into it’s soft, gassy arms with little resistance.

Lifting her head she looked for the squirrel. Thoroughly. She couldn’t find it, and there was no dead animal body parts staining the interior so she presumed the little critter had survived and fled. A wise choice.

She then turned to the car itself. Despite the airbags deploying the car seemed to be in working order. Drivable at the least, if a little dented. Good.

Finishing the preliminary checks she turned her attention to the issue at hand: she still needed to get home. Unfortunately her musings were interrupted by the arrival of a police car.

Shit.

Lexa took a deep breath. She hadn’t done anything wrong, not really. She hadn’t been speeding, she hadn’t been drinking and there was only minor public property damage. At worst there would be a fine. Probably. Knowing her luck she would end up in prison and she was not becoming anyone’s bitch.

Not yet anyway. If she was going to go down it was going to be for something big. Not property damage. Caused by a fucking squirrel.

A knock at her window. Lexa exhaled before pushing the button that lowered the glass pane.

The two stared at each other. The officer was female, medium height, blonde hair nice figure and looked friendly enough. At least, she didn’t look like she was ready to charge Lexa with 1st degree property damage or whatever the hell the law was these days.

Lexa’s own gaze remained uncompromising.

‘Are you okay?’

Lexa didn’t reply for a second.

‘Uh…ma’am?’

‘Yes. Fine.’

The officer raised an eyebrow.

‘You don’t look it.’

‘Then why did you ask?’

She looked a little taken aback and it occurred to Lexa briefly that it perhaps wasn’t the best idea to be snappy with a police officer that may or may not be ready to take you to court.

‘Well, it’s polite.’

Lexa didn’t reply.

‘Is your car okay?’

‘It’s a car.’

The woman laughed: light and airy and Lexa was almost jealous that the woman could be so carefree.

‘I meant to drive. Unless it has feelings?’

‘I tend to assume the elemental constructs of the universe don’t have much conscious awareness of hurt, pain or joy.’

The woman paused.

‘Huh. Or you could just say ‘I don’t believe my car has feelings.’’

Lexa gave her that one.

‘Or that. Yes.’

‘Do you always use big words?’

‘You managed to understand me.’

‘I’m a police woman not an idiot.’

‘Then what’s the problem with using big words?’

‘What’s the problem with using small ones?’

Lexa quirked a smile.

‘You make a valid argument Officer.’

‘Clarke. Clarke Griffin.’

‘Lexa.’

‘Nice to meet you Lexa.’

Clarke’s eyes scanned the small wreckage before returning to Lexa.

‘Want to tell me what happened here?’

Lexa sighed.

‘It’s…complicated.’

Clarke raised an eyebrow.

‘Are you drunk?’

‘No.’

‘On drugs? Cocaine? Heroin?’

‘No.’

‘So what’s the complicated story?’

‘Aren’t you going to get me out and see if I can walk in a straight line?’

Clarke shrugged.

‘If you want.’

The two stared at each other (Lexa needed to stop staring at things. It had caused nothing but trouble so far.) before Lexa obliged, pushing herself out of the car and standing up.

She was about the same height as Clarke, maybe a little taller, but the officer certainly held presence.

‘Where do you want me?’

‘You know I didn’t actually ask you to do this right?’

‘I don’t have to?’

Clarke shook her head.

‘You’re not drunk.’

‘You sure about that?’

‘Fairly.’

Lexa looked around.

‘Then I guess I choose to avoid the embarrassment of hopping on one leg with my finger on my nose.’

Clarke grinned.

‘Oh no please: be my guest.’

Lexa raised an eyebrow.

‘Aren’t you meant to be serious?’

‘Maybe. But you’re not drunk, you’re not on drugs and you weren’t speeding. I just want to know what happened.’

‘You’re not a normal police officer.’

‘I love donuts.’

Lexa cracked a smile.

‘Good to know Officer Griffin.’

‘So. What happened?’

Lexa looked away.

‘Nothing.’

‘Seriously?’

‘Seriously.’

‘You just drove into a pole?’

‘As far as you can tell: yes.’

‘That’s it?’

‘Yes.’

‘Bullshit. You don’t just drive into a pole.’

‘Statistically speaking it could happen.’

‘Do I look like I care about statistics?’

‘I do.’

‘I got that from the books on the passenger side floor.’

‘Right.’

‘What happened?’

‘You’re not going to let this go are you?’

‘Well I can keep asking or I can take you down to the station and keep you in overnight holding.’

‘Are you threatening me?’

‘I prefer to call it ‘using my powers of persuasion.’

‘You’re very persuasive,’ muttered Lexa, slightly impressed but also not willing to make her day any worse than it already was.

‘It was a squirrel.’

‘What?’

Lexa sighed.

‘There was…I’ve had a bad day and it was hot and I left the sunroof open and then there was a squirrel in the car and I got distracted and then I crashed.’

‘A…squirrel?’

‘Yes.’

‘In your car?’

‘Yes.’

‘And you got…you were scared by a squirrel and you drove into a pole?’

‘I wasn’t…scared is a strong word.’

‘You drove into a pole?’

‘Not on purpose.’

‘Because of a squirrel?’

‘Yes. Will you please stop now?’

Clarke waited, letting it filter all through her mind and she knew she should be professional she knew it but this woman was nice and that story was ridiculous and she just couldn’t help herself.

‘Can you stop laughing?’ groaned Lexa, watching as the officer before her burst into giggles, ‘seriously. You’re a police officer you should be helping me.’

‘I’m sorry it’s just…a squirrel?’

‘Yes. A squirrel. It is not that funny!’

‘It is.’

‘It isn’t.’

‘It absolutely is oh my God.’

Lexa sighed. Surprisingly she wasn’t exactly mad at Clarke despite the laughter wrought at her expense. Rather she was simply tired and wished to go home.

Clarke finally settled down after seeing the look on Lexa’s face.

‘Okay I’m sorry. Really.’

Lexa looked skeptical.

‘It is funny.’

‘From where you’re standing.’

‘No you’re right. Okay look, do you need any help getting home?’

‘I need to move my car.’

‘Hmmm. Well I can pull a favour for you. No mechanic is open this late but I know someone who owes me one.’

‘I couldn’t ask you to do that.’

‘You’re not asking,’ shot back Clarke, smiling lightly as she tapped on her phone.

‘Hey Raven…yeah I know…remember that time when you said that you’d do anything I asked after I got you that…yeah. Bring your truck. I have a car for you…just outside…’

Lexa turned away, not wanting to intrude on the conversation obviously between friends and surveyed her wreck of a car. At least she wasn’t going to prison she supposed, and the officer was nice. But it was still 2am and she was still tired and she still had a long night ahead of her. She sighed deeply. She was doing a lot of that.

‘All sorted. Raven’ll be here in a bit.’

Lexa turned around.

‘Raven?’

Clarke waved the question away.

‘A friend. Mechanic, engineer brilliant with numbers and physics and…actually you’d probably get along.’

‘Maybe not at 2am in the morning.’

‘You might be right about that.’

Clarke came to stand next to Lexa before spinning to lean on the side of her car.

‘I’m sorry we have to wait.’

‘It’s not a problem.’

‘Really?’

‘I’ve had a bad day.’

‘Sounds like it. Still, could have worse company.’

Lexa smiled.

‘Well you haven’t sent me to prison yet.’

‘Have you murdered anyone?’

‘Not recently.’

‘Than we’re going to be just fine.’

Lexa turned and leant on the car next to Clarke, folding her arms against the cold night air.

‘So. What do you do?’

‘Mathematician. We’re working on a trans-continental theorem that should help develop…stuff.’

‘Stuff?’

‘You don’t like it when I use big words.’

Clarke laughed.

‘You’re one of a kind you know that?’

‘You’ve known me for 10 minutes.’

‘And I like you already.’

Lexa turned to face Clarke.

‘Good to know Officer Griffin.’

‘Clarke.’

‘Good to know then Clarke.’

The two didn’t say much as they waited for the mechanic to arrive.

‘You don’t have to stay here.’

Clarke shrugged.

‘What else am I going to do? Besides, I’ll drive you home after. Save you getting stranded.’

‘I…thanks.’

‘No problem.’

Beaming headlights hit the two of them and Clarke pushed herself up from the car.

‘That’ll be Raven,’ she grinned, making her way over as the tow truck parked behind the out of action vehicle. Raven stepped out, still dressed in what seemed to by pajama shorts and a tank top, glowered at Clarke.

‘I hate you.’

‘You love me.’

‘No. I hate you.’

‘You said-‘

‘I’m never saying it again,’ pouted Raven and Clarke laughed.

‘It’s over there. Minimal damage but we need to get this out of the way.’

‘Can I take a look?’

‘It’s her car.’

At the indication from Clarke Lexa made her way over looking warily at Clarke’s apparent friend.

‘Raven, this is Lexa.’

Raven raised an eyebrow that said something like ‘first name basis?’ and Clarke shrugged.

‘Sorry for the inconvenience,’ apologized Lexa.

‘Yeah well you can thank Clarke for the tow I owe her.’

Lexa nodded in acquiescence.

‘So can I take a look?’

‘Of course. It still runs. Probably just-‘

‘A few connections loose?’

Lexa nodded.

‘I haven’t had time to do an electrics check but-‘

Raven nodded.

‘I can do that. When do you need it by?’

Lexa didn’t want to push.

‘However long it takes.’

Raven hummed, opening the dented bonnet with a little more force than usually struggling to push it from its catches.

‘Well it looks alright so it should only take a day or so. I can text Clarke when it’s done.’

Lexa nodded once as she felt Clarke’s presence behind her.

‘Can we leave you to it Raven?’

‘Sure thing. I’ll get the cable hitched and I can be on my way.’

The two stayed to make sure Raven got away okay before heading to Clarke’s marked vehicle.

‘Alright, where to Miss?’

Lexa smiled.

‘Take a right here and keep going straight. I’ll tell you when to turn.’

‘Anything you say Commander.’

Clarke drove off, keeping her eyes on the road as they spoke to fill the silence.

‘You know most people at least buy me a drink before they take me home.’

Clarke laughed.

‘I’m on duty.’

‘You would if you weren’t?’

Clarke shrugged.

‘Not opposed to the idea.’

‘Aren’t you charming,’ muttered Lexa with a definite pout in her voice and Clarke laughed.

‘Maybe when you haven’t had a harrowing run in with a squirrel.’

‘Can you please not?’

‘I’m just saying-‘

‘No.’

‘Squirrel’s aren’t that-‘

‘I’m not scared of squirrels.’

‘Well-‘

‘Not scared.’

‘Suit yourself. Is it a left here?’

‘No keep going; left down there and it’s on your right.’

Clarke slowed to a stop right outside Lexa’s apartment block.

‘Well here we are.’

‘Indeed.’

Neither moved.

‘So. Can I get your number?’

Lexa’s head snapped to look at Clarke, eyebrow raised as high as it would go.

‘For Raven. You want your car back right?’

‘Right.’

Clarke let a smile pull at her lips and Lexa knew she knew exactly what she had been thinking and damn it.

A quick number swap later and Lexa was good to go.

‘I guess this is goodbye.’

Clarke smiled.

‘It was nice to meet you Lexa.’

‘And you Clarke Griffin.’

Lexa made to leave the car.

‘Oh and Lexa?’

Lexa turned around.

‘Are you free this weekend?’

Lexa raised an eyebrow.

‘You going to buy me a drink?’

‘I was thinking dinner too.’

‘A date?’

‘Is that what they’re called?’ teased Clarke and Lexa gave her a smile.

‘Alright Clarke Griffin. A date.’

Clarke practically beamed and Lexa liked that. A lot.

‘Awesome! I’ll pick you up.’

Lexa shook her head, chuckling softly as she pushed herself out of the car and closed the door behind her.

‘Goodbye Clarke,’ she said fondly.

‘I’ll see you around,’ called Clarke grinning as she drove off, Lexa watching as the car disappeared from view.

‘Yep,’ she said to an empty street.

What a weird fucking day.


End file.
